It went so well.I hadn't given any kind of massage for over a year. Force majeure up to a point, but all kinds of instincts of inertia and withdrawal were tucked away behind the excuse of undeniable upheavals. I've missed my handful of London clients badly and have been mulling over whether I should abandon massage altogether. You're all right on the practical side but you keep forgetting the theory, I told myself. Compared to others you're probably not that good. Maybe it's time to let it go. I turned down a couple of tentative approaches.
Recently a new acquaintance asked for a clothed head and shoulders massage. This time with some reluctance I said yes. So yesterday, a day of gales with the wind hurling handfuls of rain against the window, I donned my waterproofs, cycled the fifteen minutes to her house, chatted, took a short case history and began.
It all came back. She'd never had a head massage before so I explained the process. Body and hands and voice remembered and I discovered once again - like meeting up with a long-lost friend - that place of stillness and peace beneath the physical strokes. I watched her face soften as I worked the muscles of her shoulders (trapezius, levator scapulae), neck (sternocleidomastoid, splenius capitis) and scalp (occipitalis, frontalis). I probed beneath the occipital ridge, listening to the silence surrounding and holding both of us, sensing the return of my own confidence. Before I left we agreed on further sessions.
She was happy. So was I.
There are many things I don't have a talent for: mathematics, rock climbing, conceptual thought, dressmaking, ballroom dancing ..... That's fine. But I have been horribly unsure and cripplingly perfectionistic about the abilities I do possess. Nature? Nurture? Karma? It doesn't matter. All I know is that it would be the ultimate betrayal not to go ahead and use them.
15 comments:
Do not stop, do not!
To have that talent, a healing touch, to relax fellow humans is beyond rubies.
I have a massage once a month. It is expensive. She is worth every cent!
Such a lovely post. I nodded my head in recognition of being "horribly unsure and cripplingly perfectionist." I do hope you continue with the massage. One day I shall visit Dale and get one, since I think you're too far away! tarakuanyin
yes it would!
i wish you lived closer! :)
I was wondering, last week, why I was feeling so out of sorts, generally grumpy, discontent, ill-humored, snarky, fed-up. I considered all kinds of reasons, and then I suddenly thought -- I hadn't done a massage for over a week. And I knew at once I'd struck the real reason.
Me too, me too: I often think I'm not good enough. But I have to remind myself that that's not my call to make. If the clients keep coming, I'm good enough for them; who else do I need to be good enough for?
I know I'm a stranger here, but you sound as if you have a particular gift enhanced by your studies. Your fingers will always remember, whatever your self-doubts. And I think that those very self-doubts make you a better therapist and prevent hubris.
just reading your post and imagining the massage and the soothing touch made me feel relaxed. I have a lot of trouble with occipital headaches which can be crippling pain. My trapezieums arent too good too at the mo, I think a good massage would do me a power of good! Coming right over(lol) !! I wish I could though. I am also hopeless at maths.
Sigh - I will sign up immediately (how I wish) - My muscles are actually talking to me "get a massage, get a massage!" Although the trip is a long one - it would be worth it...
I must echo sky "I wish you lived closer!"
We all have talents - you have found yours. Thank you for sharing
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. It's been good to have your input on this topic in particular. It's encouraged me to take the next step ...
Hi, I've called back again to ask if you'd like a pretty little award. I have one for you over on my blog.
Hello fellow award winner! It's always nice to discover new blogs through fellow blogging friends.
Your post is so thought provoking and chimes with my own experiences. I believe we're our own worst critics when looking at our own talents. I'm glad you've managed to see through that and started to use your own talents again, especially as you'll help so many people with what you have. After all, if we only did something because we're the number 1 in the whole wide world, we wouldn't get to do very much would we?
Dragonstar: Thank you so much!
VP: Welcome. Thank you for dropping in and for your supportive comment. Your last sentence hits the nail on the head :-)
Of course you are good at massage! With your Virgo Rising and Mars in Taurus I bet you have a very healing touch as well.
Head & shoulder massages often target the key areas for where most people carry tension too. Add me to the group that wishes they lived closer . . . :-)
Thanks Neith. I will persist. Another astrologer told me the same thing, but also added the general Gemini (hands)theme in my chart plus Chiron in 3rd.
Yay! Nothing to add, but glad you discovered the satisfaction in doing something you love. Hope you continue.
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