A shimmer and sway of gold, ochre and green, the silver birch stands ten yards from the kitchen window on the other side of the narrow access road. She moves constantly, this tree (and she is female) even if just one leaf trembles on an otherwise motionless summer afternoon. The sweep of the hanging branches and silver trunk have become familiar, the changes marking the passage of weeks and months since my arrival in April. Some of the dead leaves are fallen, revealing larger patches of sky and the hitherto shady kitchen is, unexpectedly, becoming lighter by the day.
Recent weeks haven't been easy. Stasis. Unmet expectations, money worries, apparent roadblocks. Every so often I make the effort consciously to unclench my jaw. I'm not good with uncertainty.
Ah, but everything passes, or at least can sometimes be softened and soothed. Last night, walking home, I looked up towards the north-east and there was the fiery-tailed comet. This morning the silver birch leaves played hide and seek with the rays of the rising sun.
This afternoon I bought a bicycle. I'm thrilled to bits. Suddenly my feet have wings.
9 comments:
. . . do you ever got thru that dilemma of meeting roadblocks and wondering: is this Life telling me Not This Direction or is it that harder work is needed? these days i'm going with the former as hard core as i can pull off . . . but then again, i've been reading lots of jed mckenna again . . . heh :) kate of http://datinggod.typepad.com (this whole blogger sign in account thing always directs to an account with no link. more heh :)
So glad you are finding that shimmer of light in your life and that your feet are finding wings. It is wonderful to find a post from you again - you have been missed.
Kate, I think of that old truism: God(dess) has three answers to prayer, Yes, No or Wait and latterly it seems for me anyway that the last one applies. I don't know. And kudos to you in any event for your courage in taking the path you are following just now.
Endment: Your comment was a lovely 'welcome back'. Thank you.
My first visit here and I'm glad I haven't missed you completely. Hope you'll be here again when I come back, but only if this is where you want to be.
Hope the bicycle at least gives you momentary escape. I hate periods of feeling blocked from going forward. But it all eventually changes. Unfortunately, Mars is going retrograde until end of January - that can't be good for moving forward! I guess we learn patience...
oh, mary,
i am so glad to see your post! your life sounds like it is coming together. relocation is a difficult proposition, even when you love where you live. processes have their own pace, sometimes slower than we would like!
have fun biking around. such good exercise, out there smack dab in the middle of nature!
hugs, sky
I love your description of the silver birch, one of my favourite trees, especially at this time of the year.
Enjoy the bicycle and hope things get easier over the next few weeks
Wenda: I'll be here - perhaps erratically though. :-)
Leslee: Eek, I know. Mars will he retrograding through my 10th house of career, which is where I'm having the problems already. Patience, patience ...
Sky: ... and your comment such a good reminder that it's fine for processes to take their own time. Thank you.
CGP: Thanks so much. And welcome!
You are back!
I know that 'clenched jaw' thing.
Good to hear form you again.
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